Sunday, December 4, 2011

The Business of Woman's Best Friend

We have a pretty strict leash law here in Georgia.  I am in support of the law for many reasons, the first being that I don’t want mean dogs chasing after me.  I’ve been attacked by two dogs in my life – and neither experience was pleasant….AT ALL!     In fact, it’s amazing that I am still such a dog lover, but I am!   The second best reason for a leash law is to protect the dog!  Seven years ago, my 14 year old chocolate lab, Nicki, snuck out of our gated yard on trash day and was struck by a hit and run driver as her hind end was hanging out just a little too far into the road while she chowed-down on a  knocked over trash can.  Some folks say that “you die like you lived” – and so as devastating as this tragedy was to me, it was indeed poetic.  I have never seen a dog love food so much as NIcki.  No casserole, pie, or cake was safe on any counter in the house.  One thanksgiving, Nicki stole the turkey off the grill – the dog sitter was quite alarmed as she saw a dark brown streak running past the picture window with a big steaming bird in its mouth!  I mean, REALLY!!!  This happened!!
Aside from the reasons above, I don’t see much need for a leash law.   However, there are people who take those leash laws very seriously, and sometimes they just use it as an excuse to be ugly.  My friend Janet lives in a townhouse community in Atlanta.  Some residents call the poor Animal Control guy, Officer Eagens, every time they so much as SEE a dog step outside the owner’s front door without a leash on.  This poor guy, Eagens, he has to drive out to that neighborhood every week, to post  notices on peoples’ doors with warnings of “leash your dog or we’ll fine you, and if you still refuse to comply we might take away your pet”.  Yuck.  OH, and by the way, the people calling Animal Control keep their poor dog locked up in the garage day and night – and NEVER walk him.  Must be too much damn trouble.  I wish they would give up that poor dog for adoption and get themselves a snake or a rat, which would be a more appropriate reflection of themselves.
Coupled with a leash law, is the ever present “no dog” signs (it's got a picture of a dog hunching over with a line x-ing over the dog), which serves up a double meaning,  also alerting you that a big jerk lives in that house.   I think these signs are imported from New York City. 
People get absolutely hysterical these days if you so much as TOUCH a blade of grass in their yards.  Come on people, it’s the outdoors!   Please relax!  I am so paranoid that someone is going to give me the evil eye from their kitchen window for even WALKING past their house with my dog that I carry a big wad of plastic bags in my pocket, as well as hanging a plastic bag onto my dog Tag’s leash as a visible sign that I will definitely be responsible for picking up my dog’s business.  As for Tag, he leads a double life.  Most of the time he is up at our mountain home with his Daddy.  Here, Tag gets to do his thing anywhere he wants to.  Just because he wants to!  He contributes to the natural flow of animal, vegetable, miracle.  When he’s done, he scratches and ever so nicely covers things up with leaves.  Oh, but BEWARE the city!  Sometimes, I take Tag down with me during the week to my city apartment.  I have named this apartment  “Little Paris” because it is perfect, and girlie, and well, so civilized. At Little Paris, we are under constant dog poop security watch.  I mean, you can’t walk ten feet without running into a dog poop station.  What’s that you might ask?  Well, it’s a contraption that holds dog poop picker-upper bags on the top, and below that is a little bitty waste can with a lid on it – for the depositing of your used bags. 

I am very happy to comply with the rules, and quite frankly I think it’s a great idea.  It’s just funny to me how serious this has all become!  I don’t think the topic of dogs running free, or poop in your yard was even around when I was a child.  People just weren’t that concerned about it all, and I think that was a better way to live.  Tag and I are back to the mountains today, running around sniffing, digging, and other stuff – it’s a beautiful thing.  Feel free to find us sometime if you ever want a 20 acre dog park to play in!  And if your best friend happens to do his or her business in my woods….well, I will happily look the other way!


  1. astonishing how regimented and rigid city bitches have become. Once every aspect of life is out of their control and they realize they are a serf on the GLobal Plantation (grrrrrrrherherhhahaha) they might relax up a bit on the possibility of poop. Like you, I walk with the dog poop bags tied to the leashes as a flag of surrender to the no poop here dog ornaments. Its interesting that i never see that sign on really nicely maintained landscaped yards. I have to say - i was bowled over by the restrictions on gated communities up here too. Even though i am on the west side (redneckville) of the county and have to deal with pet deer killers and dipsh*ts who burn tv's in the yard, Im glad its still pretty much live and let live.

    Tag is a perfect dog. Atlanta is beneath him.

  2. The possibility of poop! I love that! And as for the pet deer killers, I think I have a new place to dispose of my used poop bags. Who the "frack" would burn a TV in their yard, and WHY?? Yes, live and let live my dear pal Chickory!!

  3. I have a friend (doesn't own a dog) that has followed people in the park who have not picked up poop and 'educated' them on how it potentially leaches into the ground water/etc. Trust me, not a way to to make friends. I've had people stop their cars and watch me to make sure I pick up Coco's poop each morning when we walk outside my business (she comes to work) Like Chickory, I walk with the plastic bags sticking out of my pocket as protection from the Poop Police. As for leashes, I think they are there to protect the dog. or my dogs because one is known for lunging (5 lb Chihuahua) at passerbys and the other for BOLTING (and trust me, she's not looking both ways when she does it.) I could NOT live in a place that had that many rules. it would make me do bad things. :-)

  4. This ain't a kiddin' comment--it's fer real.

    Through a very circuitous route a lawyer fella in Miami tole me about one of his clients who done invented this aerosol can full of poop dissipatin' chemicals --yup, ya jes' spray the poopy wif' yore can of juice an the pile is atomized so it sinks into the soil whar' it ain't no threat to the aquifer since it's essentially a sewage treatment in a can.

    The atty claims California is or has passed a law makin' pet poop a legal issue. He thinks the patent on this aerosol pile blaster is worth a fortune.

    Go figger---why is coon or possum poop ok, but canine ain't?